The High Fructose Adventures of the Annoying Orange LOST EPISODE - "ORANGE DIES IN THIS ONE AND HE NEVER COMES BACK"

Believe it or not, I was five years old. And when I was five years old and had barely understood the concept of taxes, I would watch Annoying Orange on YouTube. It was my favorite series to view as a child, with its Clutch Cargo-esque animations and constant fart jokes and bad puns.

To many screen-addicted children circa 2011, this was comedic Nirvana. It was a no-brainer that, following the immense success of the titular citrus, a TV show would be made out of it. One that would air on the Cartoon Network, which was already getting out of its slump of CN Real. Although the Annoying Orange could be classified as live-action, it fell into this horrid middle ground. And thus the High Fructose Adventures of the Annoying Orange started its run, with many episodes consisting of standard location-of-the-week fare, a few parodies of famous films popping up every once-in-a-while, and a generic holiday special aptly titled, well, the Generic Holiday Special. This episode is also where I learned that Weird Al had ran out of dignity by being in this ratings tra-I mean festive tale.

But what if I told you there was a lost episode that was so scary that it made children piss themselves in fear and shit themselves? Yes, this is that what. For you see, my aunt's cousin's neighbor's dog's babysitter worked as an intern for Cartoon Network Studios (SEE? SEE? I'm not the intern this time around, so it's original!) and got to see the episode.

He sent the VHS of the episode to my aunt's cousin's neighbor, then to my aunt's cousin, then to my aunt, and finally, to me. I was so excited! I would look at a never-before-seen episode of one of my favorite shows! So I popped the tape in and booted the thing up.

The theme song was reversed and slowed down by 666% percent. Ah, well. This must've been some error on the tape. I'm sure this unnerving change isn't a foreboding sign of what's to come. Honest! I then saw the title card, which was called "ORANGE DIES IN THIS ONE AND HE NEVER COMES BACK". What? Orange DIES? I mean, I know he was annoying (it's in the title for God's sake) but did he really deserve death? Are you simply a vengeful spirit, title card? ARE YOU? COULD THIS BE THE WORK OF THE ILLUMINATI?!?!?!?

The episode started with Annoying Orange doing what he usually does, being an absolute fucking nuisance. Everyone tries to shuffle away from him with TV-budget effects, but Orange just screams louder and farts. Pear jumps in and says "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ORANGE PIECE OF SHIT!" Uh-oh! Did Pear just... say the FUCK word? That's not family-friendly at all. Orange then spits some seeds at him and says "I'll never shut up because I'm gonna live forever!" Orange then does his signature laugh, but then a hand grabs him and takes him away from the fruit stand.

"Oh no! Orange is going to die in this one and he's never coming back (roll credits)!" said Passion Fruit, gesturing her form towards Nerville, the fruit stand guy played by a likely drunk and underpaid Tobuscus. "Sorry, I'm too busy putting my nugget in a biscuit!" Nerville said, and it was a reference so I clapped! The rest of the fruits watched as Annoying Orange was taken away from the store, and then breathed a sigh of relief. "Now that big, orange and stupid is gone, I can finally get some peace and quiet!" Midget Apple exclaimed.

We then cut to the same kitchen from the Annoying Orange shorts on YouTube, except Orange was the one who would die. Hand appeared and started to grasp at Orange, tearing away his skin. "Wow, I feel this is getting ap-peel-ing! Nyahahahahahahah!" He said, as the skin (or orange peel) was ripped clean off. It revealed the HYPER-REALISTIC body of a peeled orange. Wait, the show was already hyper-realistic? Well, this was hyper-realistic-ER!

Then a knife appeared hovering over him. "I guess it's 'knife' meeting you too!" He then pulled his tongue out and did that "meh-meh-meh-meh" sound. The knife cut him up into sections as the orange screamed. But the individual slices still talked to each other. "Wow! Looks like I'm seeing double!" "Make that EIGHT-ple!" another slice beamed. However all the slices were dumped in a huge blender along with banana slices and milk. "Talk about a mind-blender!" the slices cheered in unison before being blended up into a smoothie, with them screaming hyper-realistically.

The smoothie was then poured into a cup and was drunk offscreen. The camera slowly panned out to see who was behind this, and I could recognize that high-pitched voice anywhere...

"HEY, IT'S FRED!"

The episode then cut to credits, but then a hyper-realistic-er Annoying Orange jumpscared me by leaping from the bottom of the screen and saying "YOU'RE NEXT"! Now every time I see an orange in a supermarket, I piss myself. And then I get escorted off the premises.

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