The Manila Envelope: Difference between revisions
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{{NSFW}}
It's been 60 years since I opened that envelope, and I have been living with the screams and the visions ever since then. My name is Manly Sue (My dad hates me) and I'm 75 years old. The horrors of what I've seen have made me incontinent and I can't hold my bowels. I shit myself on a daily basis and every time I do I scream at the pain that that damned envelope put me through, but I guess you didn't need to know that. Anyway, let's start from the beginning.
I was 15 and at home smoking pot and listening to whatever shit they listened to in the 1800's - probably My Chemical Romance or some shit, and my mother came down to ask me to take out the trash. I flipped her off and said "No mom I'm a grown boy now so go away and let me grow this sick neckbeard out to fit my dapper fedora", she was proud, and was all like "Dayummmmm son you a playa" and walked out of the room. Hearing those words made me feel euphoric so I decided to get off my fat ass and see if I could finally fit through the front door...
I couldn't, so I opened the door and asked my mom to drag my couch to the door so that
So yeah enough about my swagnessity, I took a manila envelope at random and it said "CONFIDENTIAL" in dark red letters and underneath it said "KONAMI x US GOVERNMENT SECRET AGENDA PLANS" I found that weird, because Konami was my favourite game company, so I opened it and there was a game box which was black and dark red and said "EVEN MORE SILENT HILLS" and I was scared. My heart was pumping rapidly due to high blood pressure and clogged arteries and a bit of fear I guess, and then when I opened it and there was a note that said "LOOK IN YOUR PS4" and I was scared. How did they know I had a ps4? That question scared me the most, so I waddled to my tv and called my mom to push the sofa back quick because I could already feel myself blacking out from over-exerting myself walking. The sofa moved and I sat on it entirely, consuming the armrests with my muscles and kicked the playstation into life with my foot and 420 noscoped the disc into the open tray.
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IT WAS ME
I screamed, I don't think I could take so much swag without expecting it. I'm horrified for life.
This note was found when a 75 year old man waddled up to a police station and said that they needed to put him in prison for being so swag.
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THE END.
{{by-user|Leetgrain}}
[[Category:Trollpasta]]▼
[[Category:Stupid is as the main character does]]
[[Category:TRUE STORY]]
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[[Category:DIALOGUE!]]
[[Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck]]
▲[[Category:Trollpasta]]
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