The Other Thing That Happened!
When I was walking yesterday there was a little boy with a scary mohawk skeleton mask on, which can only mean one thing.
IT IS THE MOST SCARIEST TIME OF THE YEAR.
I bet lots of you have seen kids in scary skeleton masks lately, because its Halloween and the kids like to do that. But lots of you don't live in my town. My toen is different. Spooky things happend here a long time ago. I told you the first story of the spooky thing that happened here.
BUT NOW IT IS TIEM FOR THE NEXT ONE.
The first and most fundamnentally spooky fact about this story is that my town where I live is in Australia. Australia doesn't usually care about Haloween as much as America, but in my town the kids go nuts for that shit. It's like one day they're totally normal kids doing their boring kid things - walking around, looking at their phones, laughing at me for carrying an umbrella when it's only a little bit cloudy - and then the next day they're all dressing up as Draculas and Frankensteins and Escaped Criminals.
Honestly it's enough to make a man spook his socks off.
Anyway. Here is the begining of the tsory.
I live at the bottom of the steepest hill in the town. The shops and stuff are at the top of ther hill, so I have to walk really hard every time I want to go buy a chicken burger, or drown my spooks in bourbon and Coke Zero. On this day I was walking with my friend Bradley Stafferson, who used to be a lumpy kid but now is shoes. He was helping me get up the hill when suddenly I saw something.
Ever sinc e that moment I have wished that I just kept walking. That I had listened to the sole of Bradley whispering in my toes to just run and run and run away from the thing that I saw. But I was a fool. An arrogant, careless, curious fool. And so I went inside the thing that I saw.
It was a costume shop btw.
"A MASK FOR EVERY MAN, AND EVERY MAN WITH A MASK!"
That was yelled at me as I walked in. It wasn't especially spooky, but it was a little startling. Also the person who yelled it was a woman so I was a little confused by her use of such cishet heteronormative language. "ALSO MASKS FOR FOR WOMEN AND GENDER NON-CONFORMING PEOPLE!" she continued, which at least cleared that up.
Also there were lots of masks in the shop.
Anyway she ran at me and started measuring my face with a face measure. Its really hard to talk with tape in your nose, so I didn't.
"YOUR FACE IS A GOOD SIEZ!" she shouted. "i have just the mask for it," she un-shouted. Then she went to the masks and c ame back with a mask. It was the spookiest scariest skeleton mask nI ever did see.
run, whispered Bradley.
"Shut up, shoes," I said.
"WHAT?" shouted the mask woman.
"nvm," I said. "This mask is very very spooky, but I think it might be fun. How much is it?"
"THIS MASK IS SEVENTY EIGHT AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS, WHICH IN THE CURRENT MARKET TRANSLATES TO SIXTY EIGHT POINT SIX THREE u.s DOLLARS," she shouted.
"It looks like you left caps lock on during that statement," I said.
"shut up," she shouted.
So then I bought the mask even though it was quite expensive and I went home and put it on. And after I was done sppooking myself, I tried to take it off. But it wouldn't come off. I pulled and pulled and pulled, but it just wouldn't come off.
Bitch put super glue in it.
Credited to Haulage
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