The Panther and the Wolf

One day a Panther and Wolf were standing outside my window fighting over a piece of cheese. I was balls deep into a loaf of white bread I'd shoplifted from Save-a-lot while browsing the vegetable aisle for a cucumber that would be as satisfying as it was filling. I guess they noticed I was lusting after the cheese and turned to face me.

First the panther leaped toward the window. It crashed into my bedroom and snarled at the smell of week-old hummus. I ran for the door but was dragged to the ground wolf bit my ankle. I was certain that I was going to die. At that very moment my closet door opened and Cheryl, the real doll I'd made from a mannequin and several slices of bologna fell onto the wolf. Both animals pounced the pile of rotten fuckmeat and I ran to the kitchen.

I called 911 but the lady on the other end of the line told me I sounded like a crackhead. Stupid pig. I curled up in the pantry as the panther crept into the kitchen. I watched in horror as it shifted into a reasonable facsimile of Sylvester Stallone and the wolf shifted into Daniel Radcliffe. Then Rocky and Harry Potter started going through my fridge. For a brief moment I thought I might be safe, but then they moved toward the pantry.

I was so afraid that I pooped my pants. Then I woke up and realized I was dead.

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Credited to Blank_Lyset 
Originally uploaded on December 30, 2015

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