The Passion 2 - Clout Requiem
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER 1: Avocadoland
Author's Note: Please do not attempt any of the actions in this narrative. Any humor based on a real subject is for SATIRE ONLY, and not to be taken seriously. Mature content ahead, VIEWER DESCRISION ADVISED.
PROLOGUE
"Remember what you asked before I left?"
"'So now what?'"
"Well this is the answer! Screw that noise! Meet me at the abandoned warehouse outside town!"
(HANGS UP)
I rolled up to the abandoned warehouse on the Miami, California city limits, and Michael wasn't there. I called him again.
"Okay, where am I going?"
"Y-your just-, by the Applebee's, and-"
"To the right?"
"NO NO No! To the left you ignant!"
(SPLAT)
"What was that?"
"I don't know, must've just ran over a squirrel or something."
"MOTHAF, ther-THERE YOU ARE!"
(HANGS UP)
Mixed Nut was in the car with Michael. They parked next to the door, and we set up a campfire inside. I then got out a chalkboard.
HORRIBLE CHALK SCRATCHING NOISES
...
"Um, why are you such a bad artist?" said Nut.
"This isn't art. Or at least, not what normies call art. Everyday another stupid person on the internet tries as hard as possible to finds some upboosts, like the powers ups in Donky King Racers, clout chasers. Clout."
Michael interrupted "So... your thinking of bringing them down too? Isn't that YouTube commentator's jobs? Your basically thinking of making a rouge organization to fight off the minor annoyance of clout-chasing?"
"Dr. Rosen, shut your trap cuz I'm not finished. It's called the Classified Internet Missions Collective, CIMC.
Chapter 1: Avocadoland
5 months later...
Information! Byousoku de tsutawaru jidai demo Choice no shikata ga wakaranai
"Around the world" by m.o.v.e was blaring in the speakers of the CIFC car. Everybody except for Michael was headbanging to it. That was until he had enough.
"HEY, WHERE ARE WE EVEN GOING!"
"WHAT?" I shouted back.
"I SAID, WHERE ARE WE, UGH, CAN YOU TURN THAT SHIT OFF, PLEASE? Thank you!"
I lowered the volume down to background-noise level.
"What are we even doing?" Michael asked.
"Ever heard of Avocadoland? Pyrocynical just went missing. We think the manager might have to do something with."
"Why would the manager have anything to do with his disappearance. Haven't you ever seen Gone Girl? Maybe Pyro made himself missing?"
Mixed Nut budged into the conversation, "How does that even work?"
"Oh, hey! We're only two blocks away!" I said happily, trying to prevent Nut from getting into the argument.
We parked right next to the entrance where the skyscraper was.
"You see that building there? The top floor's where the manager lives. We need to get up there."
We had a group of four agents going in. I, Mixed Nut, Rosen, and our most experienced rookie, SpongeBob. The back fire escape stairs were supposedly the best way to get up there, so we climbed all the way up there via that.
Everything was going fine once we reached the top floor. But then all the chairs folded in on themselves and fell. Three of us were able to swing across and into the top floor breaking a window, but SpongeBob was holding onto the edge, and we helped him up. I still don't know if it was a security thing, or the stairs were really, really, out of repair.
We tip-toed through the hall, and I heard something in a room.
STOMP STOMP STOMP
"What is that?" whispered Michael.
"SHUUUUUSH!" I said. I then sneaked over to the door, and listened through.
"UGH! Fiddlesticks! CHESUS! Pyrocynical, Pyrocynic- DO YOU KNOOW, how many problems you have caused by this UNHOLY SLANDER you have caused me and my channel!"
"Come on! It was just one clickbaity thumbnail! Not as bad compared to what you do-"
"SHHHHUUUUUUUUUH! GjyEEPERS CREEPERS! ET's ...Your fault! ...It's your fault that I'm overweight, NAH JUST KIDDING IT'S JAST, WATER WEIGHT!"
SpongeBob was able to hack into the camera system and I was able to get a view inside.
The park manager had Pyrocynical tied down to a chair with a hole lot of duct tape, and a large rolling wardrobe was behind the yelling manager.
"So what are you gonna do? Interrogate me?"
"UPGH! (claps hands together) We are going to Walmart Inventory, and you are going to WATCH! Cuz I got tons of random shit to unpack, and you will SEE! You will see how much I have to go through every video, -D-DAY!"
He started selecting from the first rack. "WALMART! Walmart! ...(deep breath) wamamamamamamamamamamamamamammamamamamamamaamamam- (gasp) Best Buy? ...BEST BUY!? ...SHHHHUUUUUUUU, ...WHAT TYPE OF BLASHPHEMY IS THIS, BESTEST BUY! So, wadda we got, like 48 more rows?"
"MHMHMHNMHHMHMHHHHMMMMMM!" Pyro made a frustrated noise.
All four of us looked at each other, wondering what now.
"Oh I noes! The roof!" I said.
We made our way up to the roof via a grappling hook, which I didn't realized I had earlier. The whole ceiling was glass, so we drilled a hole right above Pyrocynical's head. The glass fell on his head.
"wamamamamamamamama- ...Pyro! Are you listening?" the manager said as the grappling hook fastened around the chair.
"Uh, yes, of course."
"Good. wmamamaamamamamamamaamamaam..."
As the manager went on, the hook pulled Pyro and the chair up to the roof, completely unnoticed.
"Woah! Who are you guys?"
"Yeah yeah yeah, we need to get outta here." said Nut.
"...(gasp) Old Navy!"
"Let's go." SpongeBob said. We took the chair with us, as Pyro was still stuck to it. Unfortunately, while we were running away on top of the glass, it broke right above the manager's head.
"Old Navy! MORE LIKE NEW NAVY- Pyro? Where did you go?"
BACKGROUND MUSIC BY AShamaluevMusic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2aye0jv6PU
(GLASS HTIS)
"AGHU HUG HU HU HAU HAU HAAAUGH, (gets the walkie talkie) Security, Get them!"
The alarm was sounding like crazy, and we seemingly had no choice, but to go down through the building. We grappled upside down to the next lower story, and like 50 guards wearing Avocadoland Merch were waiting. For some reason, the manager chose that over bulletproof vests because we got through there pretty quickly, and to the stairs we went.
"Wait, where's SpongeBob?" asked Nut.
"(gasp) Rookie!!!" I said, as SpongeBob was taking the elevator. We had no choice but to make sure he wouldn't get hurt alone.
We traveled down through the immense amount of stairway, and got to the 90th floor, where the Manager himself was, shirtless, putting up fists, by himself.
"Come on, you government-sized fucks! PUT'M UP!"
"Oh you wanna go down, bich, OKAY!" said Nut
They ended up fighting for a while, with minor breaks of fake cries and "UGHAHAH"s. Nut won the fight, and distracted his opponent by pointing "Hey look, SpongeBob!" and ran.
It actually ended up fooling me and Mike too, but all three of us, carrying Pyro-chair, jump out through the window, and freefell for what felt like 5 seconds. How did we survive the fall? All three of us jet-pack parachuted, and grapple-hooked Pyro's chair at the same time, so we could carry him to the water.
The manager attempted to catch us with a jet pack as well, but could only chase so far, and fell into the bouncy castle of the park. "JEEPERS, CREEPERS!!!"
BOOM
The bouncy castle blew up when the Manager landed in it. We carried Pyrocynical over to the nearby marsh, and dropped him while landing. He ended up being fine, thankfully.
"(into the walkie talkie) Is back-up here yet?" I asked.
"Right in frontaya!" said the CEO.
The back-up team had arrived, and quickly freed Pyro from the duct-tape chair. \
"You guys saved me, holy fuck."
"Yeah, thank us later, at least your home safe, kinda. Hey, where's SpongeBob?" I asked.
SpongeBob came out of the front of the bus, covered in blood. "I just took the elevator. Mr. Pyrocynical, CEO says our private plane taking you home is leaving in an hour. Take him to the airport guys."
The helicopter team escorted him into the chopper. But as they were taking off, Pyro asked, "Hey, who even are you guys?"
I just looked at him, "We're the CIMC, bitch." And the chopper flew away. I then realized that was supposed to be our way back to headquarters.
"Ima call him." said Michael.
...
"You have reached the CIMC, if you are looking to apply, press 1. If you're already a member, press 2- (PRESS) ...If your looking to speak to the CEO, say your name-"
"Oh jeez, AGENT ROSEN!"
"...What?"
"Charlie! One, Mission Accomplished. And TWO, our friggin ride just went away! How are we supposed to get back?"
"Just use the back-up car. Dasvidaniya."
(HANGS UP)
We took the leftover back-up van, and rolled back into the headquarters. Hoping that there were no more assignments for the week, we gathered in the office of the CEO. I knocked on the door, lightly.
...
BANGBANGBANGBANG
"Who is it?"
"It's Agent Protag, Mr. Cr1TiKaL."
MISSION PASSED:
Avocadoland!
Achievements:
Moar Eurobeat! +40!
Grand Heist/Rescue +70!
Dollars earnt: +0$
Total Dollars: 100,000$
Written by Minksdinkle7
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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