The Radiators, They Bleed
Hello everybody my name is David. I am the man of the house. I have a wife and daughter. My sanity is unquestioned. I go to work. I come home.
I feed the fish.
Now, as autumn was coming it was of course my duty to bleed the radiators to ensure my heating system's efficiency. I didn't want for my boiler to come on early winter and be trying to heat my rooms with vacuous, empty pockets of useless air! To have my wife and daughter laugh at and despise me!? No, I did not want for such things.
"Barbara, I'm about to bleed the radiators. Take 27-year-old Jane and yourself down to the basement and cover your faces."
Barbara did as she was told. A dutiful, beautiful woman, if not a little unhinged.
I carried on my business, finding the radiator key and slotting it in to the radiator's valve.
"There you are." I said to myself, "One firm turn and I'll let the vacant, stale air right out of you."
I turned the key and to my great surprise and horror no air evacuated from its steely ridges. A steady flow of water emanated in its stead.
I went from room to room doing the same. Receiving the same. I was bleeding the radiators but for what purpose?
"Is it safe to come out?" Asked Barbara, my wife, as she peeped her head up from the basement, still shielded by her special face blanket.
"Is it safe!?" I screamed. "Is it safe? Does it feel safe!?" I asked as I kicked Barbara my wife in the face and proceeded to murder her and 27-year-old Jane with my bare hands. Ripping them both limb from limb.
After the fury of the moment, there was a tranquil silence. In that blissful peace I heard the heating system switch on and come whirring into life. The thermostat's rule must have been met. There was a low rumbling gurgle of water and air pockets passing through pipes.
Slowly I got back up from my family's corpses and bled the radiators again. Sure enough I heard the familiar hiss of some gas or other coming out as I did so.
"Sorry, Barbara!" I called back downstairs. "Overreacted a little there."
But of course she was quite dead.
This is a reminder to all to bleed your radiators to prepare for seasonal changes and make sure your heating system is at pique efficiency. Not only is this environmentally friendly it will help reduce your heating bills.
Credited to koalazeus
| Comments • 0 |
Loading comments...
|
