The Real Lost SpongeBob Episode Has Been Found
The TV cartoon world has been rocked by the discovery of the long rumored lost Spongebob episode. Nobody knows who produced it, or how it got made.
It starts with the usual sing-a-long, but the voice is low and nasal and creepy and sounds dubbed in. When the childrens' voices are supposed to come in, it sounds like a few adults singing under duress and in pain. The lyrics go like this:
Who lives in a stone city under the waves?
Great Cthulhu!
He and his starspawn asleep in their graves!
And when they awaken they'll murder us all.
So hide in your room and await for his call!
Then there's a bunch of sounds that sound like people being stabbed with a wickedly curved sacrificial knife covered in weird carvings. Then we see a view of an alien stone city under the sea. A single menacing tower dominates the scene, and we zoom in. Cut to interior view. We see an extreme closeup of some hideous, tentacled green blob. Suddenly, a huge red eye opens in what we now realize is a partial view of a ghastly alien face! At this point, 1 out of every 4 viewers goes incurably insane.
Exterior shot. We see Squidward approaching the city holding SpongeBob's corpse by its feet. SpongeBob sticks straight out from Squidward's hand as if Squidward is holding a giant yellow key. Squidward appears to be in a trance. He walks through the city as horrible creatures peer at him from around the alien ruins. He approaches great Cthulhu's tomb and thrusts SpongeBob's corpse into a complex lock. The pattern of holes in the spongy corpse is exactly what is required to turn the tentacular tumblers. The massive stone door swings open, and a titanic green foot comes down and smashes Squidward flat. We see the feet walk off-screen and as Cthulhu's mighty roar begins to fade into the distance, the camera begins to zoom in on the smashed corpse. More and more gruesome details emerge as we get closer and closer, like someone just went nuts drawing this shit. Then we cut to a brief scene of Bikini bottom shuddering from the earthquake of Cthulhu's approaching footfalls and its citizens running in aimless terror.
The episode continues past this point, but nobody has ever made it any further than this without tearing their own heads off in gibbering insanity. One viewer who briefly survived this act of self-decapitation babbled something about quaking auroras rolling down on the citadels of man, then he too expired.
Currently the episode is safely contained by high ranking government personnel, but the creepy voice from the opening sing-a-long has somehow gotten the number and sometimes calls in gleefully explaining how he's going to upload it to YouTube "when the stars are right".
Original author unknown
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