Toy Story Ü 4: Time Forgot
Are you honestly surprised at this point?
Of COURSE there's a fucking Toy Story Ü 4.
I found another film.
We begin with an episode of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. It seemed mostly normal, but Daniel Tiger kept asking obsessively what suicide meant.
This annoyed Mr. Rogers.
Suddenly, a line of Mr. Potato Heads BURST into the room singing "Da Da Da Da, Da Da Da Da, Smokin' WEED" to the tune of "Elmo's World, only MUCH lower and with a rap beat underneath. The sound of smoke and fog filling the air was heard as a thick cloud began to engulf the screen. Each Potato Head had a fucking cig.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" screamed some fucking puppet as the entire set started collapsing as some woman kept screaming "OH MY GOD!" Over and over like 77 fucking times.
The opening of "Get Low" by Lil' Jon began to play.
Mr. Rogers started flipping everyone off and smashing shit before one of the Potato Heads suddenly drove by in a little car yelling "HEY HEY HEY MOTHAFUCKAAAA!" and firing a tiny machine gun as the other Potato Heads began to sing "Get Low", fucking BURSTING bags of drugs all over the set and throwing up gang signs. One of them burst a bag of coke everywhere and began calling the cops on Mr. Rogers for drug possession.
The Logo "Mr. Roger's Hood" appeared as one of the Potato Heads blew a fucking block of C4 and sent Mr. Rogers FLYING into the next building over.
More Potato Heads started wheeling in fucking wagons of drugs and guns and dumping them everywhere. The puppets started screaming.
Suddenly, we see Mr. Potato Head in the home of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, who was playing what sounded like fucking Skrillex music on the piano.
Mr. Potato Head began rapping along.
"Yo Mozart, man, get a grip on ya life
While you playing in here
Salieri's FUCKIN' YA WIFE- "
"What the HELL?" Mozart SCREAMS before swiping Mr. Potato Head off the piano, alongside 8,769 pages of music.
What was this supposed to mean? Mozart didn't even speak English! And 8,769 pages of music? That must've taken a while to write.
We then see Buzz and Woody travelling to a fucking Bush Jr. Speech and screaming unintelligible SHIT into the mic as Bush started hyperventilating and rolling up a fucking joint on live television to calm down.
Woody started going on a tangent about how the United States was declaring war against fucking Greenland and Iceland and how the government did 9/11 before announcing 6 fucking "nucular strikes" before Bush finally lit Woody on fire with his joint.
I was horrified. Why were the Toy Story characters trying to destroy history?
The footage then cut to Mr. Potato Head planting a fucking bomb in the Wright Brothers' plane and delaying the invention of the modern airplane by 20 years.
The Wright Brothers came TEARING ASS towards Mr. Potato Head as he began to rap again.
"Yo Wright Bros.
I know this is a pain
But I gotta tell you
There's a FUCKIN' BOMB IN YO PLANE-"
Before a MASSIVE fucking explosion incinerated Mr. Potato Head and the plane.
We see Slinky Dog dropping a fucking nuke on the War of Chioggia, wiping Italy off the fucking map for the rest of history.
In the 1300s.
What the fuck was this?
This was fucking horrific. I tried to turn it off but nothing worked.
We then see Mr. Potato Head on the desk of Henry Ford.
He began to rap again.
"Yo Henry, dude
This ain't in yo head
Yo cars shit the bed
Those mothafuckas stand for FOUND ON THE FUCKIN' ROAD DEAD-"
Before Henry Ford SMASHED Mr. Potato Head into bits all over his desk with a fucking crowbar.
Sonic the fucking Hedgheog randomly appeared in front of a black background with a blunt and said "Mmm. Smokin' that fuck-ass dope."
We then briefly see the Aliens trying to fly fucking X-Wings into Buckingham Palace.
Suddenly, a Golden Buzz Lightyear appeared.
He exploded.
We then see Rex the Dinosaur, Woody, and Bo Peep introducing the ancient Greeks to dubstep before the Gold Buzz Lightyear appeared again with a glowing fucking book.
He began to scream at the other toys for their actions against history, and restored the Earth and the course of history back to normal while subsequently destroying all of the toys.
We see Mr. Potato Head sinking in a lake slowly turning to ash.
"Oh, fuck yeah." he says before he fades away.
A "Toy Story Ü" logo appeared, but the Ü fell off.
Fuck this.
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Credited to Chimichangar
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