WHAT THE HELL

YESTERDAY MORNING, I OPENED MY DOOR AND KANYE WEST WAS ON MY FRONT PORCH TELLING ME I STOLE KIM KARDASHIAN FROM HIM.

FIRST OFF, WHAT THE HELL IS A KIM KARDASHIAN? IS IT LIKE AN XBOX OR SOMETHING? DO YOU PLUG IT INTO THE WALL?

ANYWAY, I WASN'T PROPERLY DRESSED AND MY BUTT AND HALF OF MY PENIS WAS OUT, SO I TOLD KANYE I HAD TO GO BECAUSE WHY WOULD I WANT ANYBODY TO SEE MY BUTT AND PENIS? WTF?

THE WHOLE ENCOUNTER WAS WEIRD. SO I GOT IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE I HAVE GOOD HYGIENE AND NEXT THING I KNOW, DRAKE BUSTS INTO MY BATHROOM AND SAYS "MAKE THAT THANG WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, AND JIGGLE, JIGGLE, JIGGLE. CALL THAT NICKI MINAJ."

I WAS MORTIFIED. WHY WERE ALL THESE CELEBRITIES TRYING TO ACCESS MY HOUSE?

I JUMPED OUT OF THE SHOWER WINDOW OUT OF FEAR AND RAN AND RAN AND RAN. NEXT THING I KNOW, THE POLICE ARE CHASING ME BECAUSE MY BALLSACK IS OUT AND DANGLING. AFTER THEY SHOT ME 24 TIMES BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT'S AMERICA, THEY ARRESTED ME.

I TOLD THE POLICE CHIEF THE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED BUT HE CALLED ME A LIAR AND SHOT ME AGAIN. THEN THEY TOOK ME TO MY CELL WHERE THEY PROCEEDED TO SHOOT ME 11 MORE TIMES.

THE POLICE CHIEF SAID THAT SINCE MY STORY IS SO OUTRAGEOUS, THE ONLY WAY THEY WILL LET ME OUT OF PRISON IS IF THIS STORY GETS AT LEAST 100 COMMENTS. IF NOT, THEY WILL SENTENCE ME. HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!

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Credited to DownvoteYoloSwag 

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