Weird and Wacky - The Misdeeds of Spring Skeletons
hi all. what do 31 skeletons, 12 bats, and eight black cats have in common? not a whole lot, but i was out at the graveyard today nonetheless and i noticed skeletons causing trouble. thought i'd share but be warned, the skeletons are getting worse and more evil all the time.
with spring here, skeletons are starting to ramp up their operations. we're talking bones on stilts, bones hauling crates filled with dynamite, skeles huddling together by barrel-fires roasting squirrels, all kinds of skeletal misdeeds. i was onto these skeletons, they weren't getting outta my sight! not today, bones!
i decided i'd go talk to this bone who was roasting the squirrel first. that could have been chippy, and i wasn't having it on my graveyard grounds. not today, bone.
but, there was a problem. this bone looked especially mean and creaky, he had a hat made from a fur pelt and some poorly made, skeleton craftsmanship quality gloves clinging onto his bones. i hesitated, but began to approach this roving bone carefully.
"what do you want--"
"get lost with your what do you want bone question! i know that trick, and i'm not fallin' for it!" this bone screeched. i watched on stunned for a moment as this bone returned to cooking the squirrel, which was now beginning to sizzle and smell awfully spooky.
"I-uh... bone... no," i stumbled out
"see here this is two thousand and nine teen and bones are getting wise to your tricks, you gotta step up your bones hunting game if you are to catch bone," the squirrel eater replied coolly.
"I haven't been talked back to by a bones in a long time, that's all," i gulped, and continued feebly, "i need you skeletons to be good bones and not hurt squirrels--those squirrels belong to no one and cannot be harmed by the likes of you..."
This bone just stares at me awe struck, like as if i smacked a bone's momma and called her bovine. "WHAT YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE SQUIRREL PORRIDGE THIS IS BONES COUNTY, A PLACE WHERE SILENT BONES GATHER! YOU HAVE NO JURISDICTION HERE!" bone wails before picking up some disturbed dirt from a freshly dug grave, and attempting to toss it at me. it missed, mainly because bone has no skin to help him throw the sand. poor bone was really flustered now. i had to say something, but what? maybe this bone was right, i should leave now and let a skeleton be. squirrels are an excellent source of vitamin c so i heard.
I hold my hand towards the sizzling squirrel and wince, saying "bone, no, bones, this cannot be, bone, bone, 13 skeletons that surround you listen up as well, no, this cannot be." I sit down beside this squirrel eater bone and begin to explain. "look, mr. skeleton, this is a silent place where bones gather, you are a skeleton which means you are bones, therefore you must be silent in this place if you are to cease be a roving bone of great calcium and adversity. a bone that rests in the ground is a bone for me, bones, and skeles shouldn't be eating squirrels, it's bad for them. at least go for a walk around skeleton hill instead of roasting these poor critters alive you bone."
bone looks at me all confused. "NEVER!" he yells, standing up to see me off. but i was way ahdead of this bone and was off runnin' because i knew no bone was gonna let me stay here after that. so i ran and ran, and eventually i hailed a cab but i made the mistake of hailing inside the graveyard county grounds of bones-town which means the cab driver was a skeleton too!
i paid the two dollar fee for the couple metres we travelled and then i bolted for the cemetery gates, passing by mausoleums of skeles who were doing a creaky conga commin to get me.
i was so screwed, or so i thought. there, above! there was a formation of bats, about 3 of them, and they were large like fruit bats. i thought i was saved but these bats just dropped slimy stuff on me and kept flying, totally oblivious. thanks bats.
anyway so i kept running, knowing no one was coming to save me now. luckily i had only a hundred metres or so to go now, i was almost out of the woods so to speak. the home stretch. But then, outta nowhere, about 3 skeletons break out of the ground, blocking my way. i was too exhausted to keep running, and i collapsed at the foot of these spooky bones. one of the skeletons was clearly an ancient bone and i paid my respects by bowing low.
"why are you accosting bone, human? human, no. human, stop, don't do this, human," this most ancient bone boomed, nearly reducing me to ashes.
"I-I..." I realized i had no where to go and the bones from behind were closing in fast. a conga line of skeletons carrying mini-sized skeletons made of ceramic were now only feet away, and ol' squirrel eater was right next to me now, his bones not even perspiring.
"Help me understand, bone," i says to bone apologetically.
with that this ancient bone kneeled, bowing to me this time. suddenly all the skeles were bowing at my words. i stood feebly, and noticed a really dumb lookin skele running towards the fence. this bone tried to do a jump but he crashed into the wrought iron with a horrible clang, which disintegrated all his skeletal fabric into bones dust that was carried off by a spring wind.
after that it was silent for a long time. i walked back with the squirrel eater and tried some of the squirrel. it tasted like something skeletons would eat but i tried to channel my inner skeleton so i could enjoy it. i heard squirrels screaming from the trees, i paid them no mind.
just then a barrage of nuts gets shot at us and me and squirrel eater bone duck for cover.
"ahhhH!HH!H!H!H!H!H!H!HH!!H!H!H!H!H1hh1h1h1h1213131313" i yellled,
"uuuuoooooohhhhhhhh gaaaaaa" bone yelled back, covering his skull with his arms.
to be continued...
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continued now i guess
i woke up in a daze, and coming to my senses, i see lots of skeletons tied up. their spooky forms were barely visible in candlelight. it seemed the brightest thing in the room was gold trim on some glazed bowls, reaching out to me in the black.
i noticed i was tied up too! it seemed there was no use breaking free.
"what do you want, human, why you do this, no, stop, it is bad you have come here," a squirrel says.
"i just want to go home," i said.
"fine, release the flesh-skeleton," another squirrel says.
with that, the squirrels release me into a pit of lava with the skeletons so that our fuel may be used up.
i then awoke from that frantic dream, fed my pet squirrel and hung out with my skeleton, whose name is made of ashes bones.
the ehnde
Credited to Sullakhalis
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