Why I couldn't make Sonic the Hedgehog real

I'm a real huge Sonic fan (isn't everybody these days?), have been since I was in diapers. I was in diapers until 14, but that's besides the point. I lived my life for the blue rat, but through droughts in games after Forces, the new punching bag of the gaming community, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I was going to summon Sonic the Hedgehog into my world, damn it, and I knew how.

Many of you are not as big of Sonic aficionados as I, so let me tell you something. Sonic has a tendency to... let's just say, "cross over" into other worlds. I decided to practice some magic on my CRT while plugging in a SEGA Genesis system, did a few incantations in tongues, and voila! That should've been easy...

Except I had the wrong cartridge put in! It was a copy of Bubsy 2. I know this is the part of the story where I'd say "don't judge me", but judge me all you like. Bubsy the Bobcat materialized into my living room and threw yarn at me. "Oh wow! I've been transported to the real world! What could possibly go wrong?" He started jumping up and down, somehow being able to glide. Hey, buddy! You can't do that without an explanation! You can't turn your twin tails into a helicopter or utilize your spiny dreadlocks to ride across the wind!

Bubsy is my roommate now, and suffice to say things are a lot different. Instead of singing me to sleep, he throws out an endless array of cat puns until I grow too tired to stand them. He ocassionally gets visits from the Woollies, you know, those aliens with the big noses that sit there and do nothing. Yeah. He somehow manifests an atom and projectile launches it at them. It's not much, but I tolerate the company. Plus he earns plenty of cash from his side-hustle as a comedian, in which people pay him money to shut up.

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Credited to JustSomeWeirdBloke 

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