Wii Are Twisted

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I am a big fan of video games. Classic, new, bad, good... Name it and I'll love it. Then something happened that made me rethink things.

2/11/13: 2:00 A.M.

I live in San Francisco, California. I have a job working at home designing character designs for future games for a company named Sega. I love Sega and their games, but I'm a slightly bigger fan for Nintendo. I tried to get a job at Nintendo, but they denied me for lack of experience for I have graduated from college 2 years ago. I was designing a new character for a new Sonic the Hedgehog game that Sega hasn't revealed to the public yet, and was meant to be a surprise announcment 5 months from now. I was designing a new Dr. Eggman robot when I saw my laptop was running low on charge. I quickly got up to go get my battery charger and came back to see I was too late and it went dead and I lost all my design progress. I punched my wall out of anger and fell onto my couch. I sat there for hours before I fell asleep. All my work, gone. While I was asleep, I had nightmares of my favorite video game characters turning evil and being killed. I woke up at around 5:30 A.M. sweating and all the pillows on my couch on the floor. I had to get up and go back to the Sega Headquarters in 20 minutes. I was already dressed, but my hair was a mess. I fixed my hair up, took my laptop and left my home.

2/11/13: 6:02 A.M.

Wii console

A man quit today because he didn't get a promotion after he supposedly worked here for 4 years without a single one. I recognized him from somewhere, probably walked by him a couple times in my entire year of working here. My boss came to me after that saying that the man threw a Wii at him. He had a bruise on his cheek and I heard security trying to fight someone behind me. Probably the man. My boss said that they had no use of a small, single Wii, so they gave it to me to bring home. I was excited, of course. My next income was in 1 week and I was saving up to buy a Wii of my own, but now I got one for free and a week sooner too. The day was long and boring and as soon as I was told, I ran out the door and went to buy the Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword for my brand new Wii. When I came home, I was too excited and dropped it onto the ground. I paniced, then plugged it in to see if it still worked. Sure enough, it did. There was a game already in the Wii when I turned it on. Super Smash Bros. Melee was in it. I weighed my options and decided to test out Super Smash Bros. first. When I turned it on, I heard a sound which sounded like a laugh from Bowser, but a bit longer in length, and the voice was a little deeper in tone. The game skipped the intro and went to the title screen. It was dim, and brown. I pressed start to here a crying Mario falling off a cliff from the original Mario 64, but a bit more desperate. The game lagged intensly. I tried to ignore it, but it was so slow that it took me 2 minutes to go to V.S. mode. The characters consisted of Dr. Mario and a pink Pikachu. I laughed and gagged for whatever reason, thinking this was a joke disc. With a tear in my eye, I chose Pikachu. There was only one stage, too. What looked like the original wallpaper of Windows XP. The music was just a series of clicks. The game stopped lagging, and I used thundershock as Pikachu. Normal animation happened, but did exactly 743% of damage to Dr. Mario. I laughed even more until I seen Dr. Mario crying and coughing. I stopped and stared and Pikachu ran off the screen, and a loud "Piiiikaaaaa!" happened. Not distorted or anything. Just normal. Dr. Mario was still coughing, and then collapsed. I was a bit worried. All of a sudden, I had a power outage. I waited then 10 minutes later my lights went back on. Not the Wii though. I decided to pack up and go to bed.

2/12/13: 5:00 A.M.

I decided to take the day off to play on the Wii some more. I was anxious last night in my sleep wanting to play again to figure out why the characters were like that. I put the game back in and tried to start the Wii again. It took a bit, but started to work. I played Super Smash Bros. again and this time Wolf Link was unlocked. What? From Twilight Princess? I was confused, but excited to try it out. I chose to go against Pikachu this time since Dr. Mario was a bit depressing to watch last time. I chose the Windows XP place again. The match started, but Wolf Link didn't move. Pikachu was jumping in place then the game froze. Dr. Mario appeared on screen, and the game unfroze. He coughed up a green liquid and threw a pill at Wolf Link and I was thrown off screen. Pikachu attacked, but before making contact, was set on fire. The game froze and went back to the character select screen. Zelda was unlocked. I played as her this time, and then everything happened the same way again. The next characters unlocked were Roy, Mewtwo, Pichu, Luigi, Peach, Bowser... Sonic? Sonic appeared and when I chose him, the game's screen went black and a more evil bowser laugh filled the room. I was legitimately scared from there. The next thing the screen shown was brutal. Dr. Mario coughing vigorously, Peach laying face first in a pool of water, unmoving, Pichu swinging from a windmill, unmoving, Luigi with a knife sticking out his side, and then Bowser with Mario looking at everyone, laughing. They had a text box appeared saying, "Wii are Twisted. You too?" I turned my Wii off and quickly switched the games. I sat on the SSB game and sat in front of my TV trying to comprehend what I saw. I shook my head and started Skyward Sword. No intro. Dim title screen. Already there was a file named, "Herogami". I selected it and it showed a Link with the Skyward Sword pierced in his arm falling through the sky. It lasted a minute, then crash. Screen went black and appeared is a bloody, splatted Link. I screamed and reached for the plug, then text appeared on screen. "Wii are Twisted. Join us." I screamed again and unpluged it and heard a screaming Link quickly before. I decided to put the games on my counter and went to bed.

2/12/13: 4:00 P.M.

I visited my friend to borrow money to go buy more games. I bought from a nearby WalMart 3 games, Sonic Unleashed, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and the game I highly anticipated waiting for, Mario Party 8. When I came home, I put in Sonic Unleashed. Another dim title screen appeared. I started thinking that I shouldn't start playing this without a friend over, but decided aginst it. The screen quickly flashed a picture of Sonic being stabbed with a drill. After that, the last level of the game started. No cutscenes, no file select, just the last level. Sonic was the Werehog and was holding a bloodied drill and Tails was lying on the ground, just normally, no blood or gore there. He was breathing too. I walked into the next room where Sonic all of a sudden screamed and started stabbing himself with the drill. He turned normal and was laying on the ground while a random force lifted him into the air and he was set on fire and thrown into the wall. I had a tear in my eye. Text appeared on the screen again. "Wii are Twisted. Stop trying to resist." I knew something was up. I tried out SSBB. All the characters were turned into zombies in a match, and then Taboo was standing over them and shot them with a beam and they were all bleeding, and text appeared. "Wii are Twisted. Twisted." Next was Mario Party 8. There was only one board. Oddly enough, the Windows XP place. Pink Pikachu and Dr. Mario was in the Background. All the characters on screen were crying, and everytime they moved, Bowser laughed and they were struct with lightning and cried more. Eventually, Yoshi died. Then Peach. Then Mario. Then everyone died and a text appeared again saying, "Wii are Twisted. Game over." I screamed and then quitely escaped my house. I took the games to throw them away, then decided to show it to my best friend so he is an eye witness. I was on my way to share my tale to him.

2/12/13: 4:56 P.M.

We played, and I was scared. But somehow, the games played as any other normal game did. I was very confused, but somewhat relieved. We played until 7:00 then I went home. When I opened my door, a raccoon ran out, hissed at me, and my Wii was knocked over and a new game was left there. On the disk it said, "Herogami". I put the disc in the Wii and turned it on and a light flashed. I instantly fell asleep.

2/13/13: 3:00 P.M.

The screen was still on when I woke up. On the screen was Mario. He screamed and his hat and hair burned in flames. He cried and started to cough. Green liquid came out of his mouth. He screamed then a man popped up. It was a video just like being recorded off a cheap camera. It was the man who quitted. He punched a wall and he threw a Sonic doll on the ground, then he said these words: "Sega! I hope you enjoyed these games!" and then he grabbed a knife and cut his arm badly. I almost threw up. I backed up from the screen and looked at my mirror behind me. I seen in the mirror what looked a little like the man. I started to have the feeling of hating Sega. I had a beard just like the man's starting to grow on my face. I picked up my Sonic doll, my hand trembling, and threw it into my sink and turned on my garbage disposal. After that, my power went out, and so did my love for video games.


I quit my job at Sega. I thought, I decided to take apart my Wii to see if there was anything wrong with it. Just a jumble of wires. I put it in my closet and will not look further into it. I am now studying to be a lawyer. Goodbye gaming, forever.

Credited to AnimalInMe 

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