My Cat Is Fucking With Me
DAY 1: I just got a new cat for my lonely little house in the middle of nowhere. He seems to be a good cat (if not a bit on the chubby side) but he's fine.
DAY 2: The cat is attempting to walk on two legs like a normal man. It's pretty charming, but I have to push him on his back so that he can act more catlike.
DAY 3: Someone's been drinking my coffee. I don't know how, but the only people in here are me and the cat. He does seem a little hyper in the mornings, though. Should look into that.
DAY 4: I was busy trying to draw a new comic when the cat started to go into my room and paw at me for food. I gave him the standard cat food, but he didn't eat a smidge of it.
DAY 5: My comic wasn't doing so well in the local papers. As for a reason, I called my father about it and he said that "gnats aren't marketable". What should I do then, now? Add something like a cat? That'll never catch on...
DAY 6: I swear I'm not making this up. I'm not crazy, I'm not deranged, I just saw the cat playing with a spider. Y'know, I thought it was just a little excursion, but then the cat pulled out a rolled-up newspaper and smacked it.
DAY 7: I tried that new Italian place across the street. It was fairly good, but I couldn't finish it all. I took the leftovers and stored them in the fridge. A few hours later and they were gone. I don't know why someone would eat them. Don't they know that lasagna tastes best when it's fresh out of the oven?
DAY 8: My neighbor invited his dog over to see if we could get that cat in line. The dog was relatively friendly but the cat absolutely hated him, even going to the point where the dog was kicked off the table.
DAY 9: I tried to ask the veterinarian about any issues with this cat, which is clearly supernatural. She said that I was correct in my findings, but told me that I drank something that would give me "a whole litter of new puppies". Note to self - never get thirsty when in a medical room.
DAY 10: This cat is going to be the end of me! He keeps doing all this stupid shit and it's driving me up the wall. Fortunately that spite has fueled me. Soon the entire world will loathe that bastard. Know this, Garfield, your name WILL go down in infamy.
Credited to JustSomeWeirdBloke
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