Triumphs of the Toppler, Vol 1.: Difference between revisions

With that, the Toppler laughed like he was being tickled by a thousand nuclear explosions, which was possible since no-one blows up the Toppler. "Stop laughing!" yelled Helen. The Toppler responded by punching Helen in the face, shattering his skull and killing him instantly. "Whoops," said the Toppler. Then he noticed a tiny, barely noticeable cut on his fist. It appeared that Helen was so edgy, he could cut even the nigh-invulnerable Toppler’sToppler's skin. Doing the world more favours, he beat up Helen's corpse to rid the world of such an insufferable creature.<br />

"Well, aren't you the badass, Mary sue?" said the Toppler mockingly. With that, Jane attempted to stab the Toppler in the heart. However, the knife bent against the Toppler’sToppler's skin, since nobody kills the Toppler! So she pulled out her phone and began reading her origin story. The Toppler recoiled in terror. "Agh!" he cried. "It's so awful!"

After his battle with Jane the Killer, the Toppler got fired from easyjet. This meant he had to go seek employment, since beating up people nobody likes doesn't exactly pay the gas bill. However, since the employment system is complete bollocks, the only place he could find employment was at Ben and Jerry’sJerry's, but at least he got free ice cream. One day, a man wearing a hoodie came to the till. He was facing backwards, for some odd reason. "Err… I'm over here, mate," said the Toppler.

"Don't know what I was expecting from a bloke with no eyes," muttered the Toppler, as he jumped over the counter and started bashing Eyeless Jack's head in with an ice cream scoop. Eyeless Jack started to cut into the Toppler’sToppler's stomach, but he couldn't since nobody eats the Toppler! "Bugger," said Eyeless Jack, as the Toppler stuffed him into every ice cream tub that was on the counter. After Jack puked up 17 and a half kidneys, the Toppler chucked him into the moon, where he quickly suffocated. Just then, the manager came in.

With that, Laughing Jack leaped at the Toppler like sheev. He tried to rip the Toppler’sToppler's heart out, but he couldn't because nobody brutally mutilates the Toppler! The Toppler wasted no time, so he ripped Jack's ridiculous nose off and stabbed him with it 37 times. While getting stabbed 37 times traditionally kills people, Laughing Jack is a creepypasta character and therefore intensely overpowered, so he just felt a bit sore. Well, he was also missing his nose and had a hole in his chest, but this isn't really what you came to read about. The Toppler picked up Jack, carried him outside, and drop-kicked him all the way to London, where he landed in the Thames and drowned. And everything was lovely once again. Wonderful.

One day, the Toppler decided to go on vacation for some peace and quiet. So, to make absolutely sure no-one would bother him, he went to the abandoned theme park, Mowgli’sMowgli's palace. Besides, it's not like anyone would stop him; he is the Toppler, after all. So, off he went. He beat up snakes and ate them for tea the night he arrived, and then he went to investigate the titular palace. Within, he came across a room full of costumes. The Toppler picked up a Donald duck mask in order to put it on, but a skull fell out of it. Thus, he ate the mask in anger. It was then he noticed a negative Mickey Mouse costume. Looks like Disney’sDisney's been outsourcing to poundland, thought the Toppler. The suit lifted its head off, spraying what seemed to be yellow blood everywhere, though on closer inspection it turned out to be chicken korma. "You've just ruined my jockstrap!" roared the Toppler, charging at the creature. He shoved its head back on, and then slammed it along every last shelf. Then he picked up a snake and rammed it down the creature’screature's throat, causing it to explode and spray chicken korma everywhere. "Next year," proclaimed the Toppler, "I'm going to Portugal!"

"You've been building up quite a reputation for yourself in the underworld. I like your style, pal!" said the fish-bloke, slapping the Toppler’sToppler's tungsten back. "How’dHow'd you like to come work with me?"

"My name’sname's Jeff," said the fish-person. "Jeff the Killer."