There's a toilet in my house that's slightly colder than ambient temperature
I was minding my own business going to the bathroom to take a shit when I noticed the toilet was cold. Too cold. There's no way the toilet should be that cold. My thermostat was set on 73 degrees but the toilet was cold.
I went to get my laser thermometer. It read 71 degrees. There's no vent above or anywhere near the toilet. That's impossible for it to be colder than ambient temperature without being cooled by something.
So that's why I took a shit on my neighbor's front porch. Anyone else would have done the exact same thing in my situation. The shit smelled like garlic.
Credited to MyNamesNotRobert
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